-intoxicated

2008-05-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
"Just what your worth"

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Why's everyone me just so superficial?
it's scary. it's freaking me out.
i just dont know who to trust now.
sometimes all i want to do is to just sit down and cry
take some valium mixed with codiene and just sit down and cry
im so glad for my bestfriend. i admit that i would not be here now if now for her.
i need to find balance once again.

2008-05-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

Layer 1: On The Outside
Name: Jessica
Birth Date: 1st Sept
Current Status: single
Eye Color: Black
Hair Color: dark brown

Layer 2: On The Inside
My Heritage: chinese
My Fears: anything that crawls, flies
My Weaknesses: Procrastinating.
My Perfect Pizza: pepperoni and cheese with pineapples

Layer 3: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
My First Thoughts of waking Up: snooze button
My Bed Time: 2am or later
My Most Missed Memories: coffee with the best friends

Layer 4: My Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonalds or Burger King: Burger King.
Single or Group Dates: single
Adidas or Nike: Adidas
Tea or Nestea: Tea (earl grey or english breakfast pls)
Chocolate or Vanilla: choc
Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino with an extra shot

Layer 5: Do You?
Smoke: Yes
Curse: at times
Take A Shower: 2x a day
Have A Crush: not now
Want To Get Married: yes
Believe In Yourself: yes
Think You’re A Health Freak: pretty much

Layer 6: In The Past
Drink Alcohol: doesnt most
Gone to the Mall: every wk!!
Been on Stage: Yes.
Eaten Sushi: since i was a kid!
Dyed Your Hair: NEVER

Layer 7: Have You Ever?
Played A Stripping Game: OMG YES AND IT WAS BAD!
Changed Who You Were To Fit In: NEVER

Layer 8: Are You Hoping To?
Get Married: yes

Layer 9: In A Guy
Best Eye Color: brown, grey and green spells yum!
Best Hair Color: brown or black
Short or Long Hair: short, bald or crew cut's the best. hee!

Layer 10: What You Were Doing
A Minute Ago: typing this
Hour Ago: applying heat cream
Four And A Half Hours Ago: bathing
A Month Ago: partying
A Year Ago: probably still partying

Layer 11:
I Love: shopping, tennis, sun, sand, sea, my friends and family
I Hate: stupid people
I Hide: when im playing hide and seek?
I Miss: my best friends (:
I Need: macbook pro, imac and a PA

2008-05-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

i need to go on a shopping ban... bought too many things in the past two days.

lets see:
4 t shirts
3 bangles
2 sandals
1 heels
1 dress

hee!

and i saw the weirdest stall at the airport today.
it's called something kue kue.. note: they spelt kueh kueh wrongly.
next they're selling packet teh botol..
like wth botol literally means bottle.
omg they just killed themselves.HAHAHAA

2008-05-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

i fucking hate psychology and i really want to drop the subject.
fuck i need something to numb myself.

been contemplating about getting inked..
though im too much of a pussy about the pain.
how fuck how.

FUCK I REALLY HATE PSYCHO!

2008-04-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

i'm scared... i do not know what is happening to me.
inside me i feel this whole mixed bag of emotions that i myself cannot swallow.

if only they knew..

2008-04-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

happiness is all over.
it is something that is usually overlooked
but when you look closely, you realise it is there all along.
ive found that happiness.
that immense amount of bliss that i have not felt in such a long time.
i am so grateful for the ones i love and the people around me.
it is because of them that i have finally grown up and come to become who i am today.
for once...
i actually feel really blessed

2008-03-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

why do we always only miss someone when they're gone
when you know that the likelihood that youll see them again is highly low
it just leaves you feeling all guilty that youve never once treasured them in the past
i thought there was always a tomorrow
i thought it was never goodbye
but reality hurts, real bad i must say
i just wish i can just turn back the clock now
press apple S
and just save our happy moments,
play it rewind,
just like the good old days which never seemed to end...

what's up with this week?
why do i keep losing the ones i love?

2008-02-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

i really miss the simple things in life.
what ever happened to my daily afternoon hour long swim followed by coffee by the pool with a cigarette in hand?now if only every living moment can be that blissful.
funny how looking back the last time which such ever happened was mid last year.
gosh i want my life back.

today while talking to the best friend.
she made me come to realise what an ass ive been the past ive no idea how many years.
maybe that's why my relationships are going straight down the drain.
how the hell do i change?i mean i cant change me.
that's just almost impossible.

today was also a great learning lesson for me.
i have never come to realise that someone who appears close to you can actually be that far instead.
it seems that i somehow can never let my guard down for a second.
someone once told me that i need to try to see the good in others and i did put in an effort to try.
but look at it now,i get trash back in return.
i suppose some people are just not how they perceive them to be.

i really wonder,did i really grow up too fast?
did u even experienced the childhood,teenage rebel days?
yes i am only 18.but somehow i dont feel that age.
i had not have enough of those wild days yet.those late drunk moments,those midnight rendevous and so on.

if only i can turn back the clock.
if only i could...

2008-02-11T02:19:00.000-08:00

just...four...more...long...tiring...days
before all will be finally over.cant wait cant wait.
how sad i'll be saying bye to two lovely people this month.yvonne and nick.sucks to be me.i really hate goodbyes.booo.owells at least i'll be meeting both of them soon.which is good.
& so the countdown begins.
1 paper and 1 presentation gone,2 papers and 1 presentation more to go.
God bless my soul

2008-01-31T21:43:00.000-08:00

ive just been feeling highly jaded lately,for the first time ever in many weeks of 4,5 hours nights i had my ten hour sleep.i am just such a procrastinating procrastinator.i never seen to be able to get any work done.my exams start tomorrow and yes tell me about it i am only about 15% ready for it?someone please tell me why did i choose to take 2CDS at one go again?school is making me feel really distant from alot of people.and i really do not like it.thank God for the three weeks advanced holidays that CMM offers otherwise i am sure to really become HIGHLY HIGHLY jaded.i need a break from all these.

Maybe that's just me,i'm just going through that trouble time where all hell breaks lose and i get highly burnt out just from school.i think i am married to my computer and that just makes it so much worst.screw it.yea and to make it all the more better,relationship wise it is just going down the drain yet again.i know it is my fault.i had always been the cause of all last failures too.so what's new?i need to learn how to prioritise and learn how to put some people before others.but sometime time just does not prevail.i think i need therapy

switchfoot last night was good.thanks Dila. (:

2008-01-25T22:56:00.001-08:00

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM/DICTATORSHIP: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to
analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to
your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an
associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via
an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority
shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed
company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option
on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States ,
leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The
public buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a
riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You
then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘ cowkimon ‘ and market it
worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open
another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity,
and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you
and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are
part of a Democracy….

A WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very
attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

the random shit that you find online

2008-01-25T22:33:00.000-08:00

and once again the hell week is here.
damn you school!

school holidays in 42days time
zomg i can hardly wait.
but before that the damned screwed up exams and the motherLOAD of projects due!
shoot me please.AHHHH

2008-01-23T07:49:00.000-08:00

school is completely causing me to become a highly jaded zombie-like floating person.all these projects and homework seriously has to stop.like the first thing when i reached home today,i completely just flat out collapse onto my bed and just "died" for four hours straight.tell me about it.

i have decided to try out my jessica has got to cut down plan.with that i shall try to make my cigarette packs last me more than the current 2-3 days.to lead a healthier lifestyle and abstain from temptation.though i somehow think this will fail again somehow.i mean mel and iman managed to quit somehow.i think i just lack determination.owells

switchfoot next week and i am still contemplating on going or not.like wth why does tjc get switchfoot for free and we dont?why cant they just come down to tp instead?wouldnt that be like a million times better?we've got better and cheaper food too (:

this week was good anyway.i finally managed to catch up with a huge bunch of people whom ive not seen for a couple of months.yay.love.

anyway i back to my never-ending pile of crap work.blaaaaaahhh.
anyway cmon be so flipping proud of me.ive not partied since new year,drank like a bitch since the week after new year and smoked in the past 5hours.
it's an all time miracle.wooohoo!

2008-01-18T08:49:00.000-08:00

school spells tiring.had council meeting until close to 8 today.over media biz awards.but it was quite fun so screw it.i still find it completely unnecessary going for the lui teck yew forum thingy today.i guess i just found him really casual?like he didnt quite answer the questions asked direct.but then again personal opinion so i aint judging.i realised that ive been really exhausted lately.that is bad.not only that i think im suffering from premature aging.yes slowly but surely.nick's chalet was good.pics are on my facebook i think.im still pretty stumped that i was not able to head down to the tattoo parlour with nick.would so love to see his tattoo that took three flipping years to design.now now second draft up next!im shagged and im swarmped with loads of school work help me please!

2008-01-07T08:13:00.001-08:00

lately i have been feeling as though people around me are somehow making use of me.strange.yes i know my best friends would tell me im being really paranoid yet again but seriously.sometimes i just feel as though i am constantly surrounded by dumb people who always ask me the same questions.the reason - the refusal of using their own brains.maybe one day they would actually grow up and try to learn something.i guess perhaps sometimes i just get too obliging to some and because of that i get stepped overed.funny.why dont i ever learn from my mistakes.really really funny.i guess maybe i just brought all these upon myself.aint it supposed to be once bitten twice shy?

i wish one day i would actually be less apprehensive about the people and things around me.ironic that i usually tell people that instead.yeapp.pot calling the kettle black.i wonder why do i feel so alone lately when i have just been spending almost all week at house parties,school and stuff.i guess maybe i really just have to grow up and learn how to just take things by stride? - then again if that is ever possible.i figured,perhaps i just tend to dwell on things alot.urghhh move on jess move on.someone just teach me how.please

2007-12-27T08:02:00.000-08:00

looking back this year has seriously been that of a major roller coaster ride.i must say there were many ups and many downs.but i so would not have changed any of it.the year started off with a huge bang.me coming back from london and stuff.the day when i first received my o level results i can still recall myself jumping around like a total major retard.with everyone staring at me like i was from mars or something.to my school posting,the many nights drunk and what not.not to mention that first sexy insight which i had.yeapp indeed.that opened me up to so many new things which i had always wanted to do and because of that i made a huge number of friends too.next big milestone was that of school.a whole new environment.probably the first time in very long that my best friends were for once not by my side to make me feel so called at ease you can say?i still remember the first time i stepped into temasek poly cmm i was like WTF.everyone was so different from what i had initially expected.but as times when by things got cool and now im completely loving it.how can i ever forget those "people" that walked through my life and made me wish i never got associated with them.the downturns,the tears and the curses.whatever.ok if i were to blab on this post would be wayyyyy too long.but seriously come to think of it.it only seemed like yesterday when i just touched down waiting to start afresh.2007 somehow flashed past faster than i had expected.even way much faster than 2006 if i can recall.geeeesh why do we only have 24hrs in a day.owells now all i hope for is that 2008 would be even much better.yes i can already feel it in me.

2007-12-26T09:05:00.000-08:00

boxing day.met up with my leading ladies minus thrishna as that girl is currently christmasing in manila.never had this much senseless fun in such a LONGGG while.christmas was good.spent the eve at new asia bar which followed with the countdown.talk about going vip that night.aaron and i.owells.im highly bloated from all the beer/champagne/wine/vodka and what not that i had this week.i need to go on some kinda ban soon.but wait.that can only happen after drink drank drunk.hahaha

2007-12-21T07:32:00.000-08:00

i am so broke i am so broke i am so highly beyond broke.hahahah.this year's christmas shopping's good.seriously i havent spent like such in such a long time.so yea in case yr wondering why i havent been out drinking much lately.now you know why.i cant believe it,last year everyone was in singapore while i was out overseas.now this year most of my friends have abandoned me!and yes im left here in singapore.owells cest la vie.cant wait for this year's christmas eve party.it's going to be fun fun fun.somehow time seems to fly by so fast this year.it only seems like last week that i just came back from london actually.damn i have not even embraced 2007 yet and it'll soon be gone!whatthehell!!!i hope 2008 will be much better.somehow.yes i can feel it within me already.yeeeehaaaa.

i lost my vintage singapore monopoly set.cry for me people booooo!!!

2007-12-17T07:53:00.000-08:00

why why why why why do i always end up in this mess.why do i always get myself into this kinda shit.why dont i ever learn my mistake.why am i always such a total sucker for such.why do i always fall for the mummy's boy.why do i always seem to get stepped over.why did i fucking let my guard down.fuck what did i ever see in him.fuck.why?!?sometimes i wonder why am i this reserved when it comes to such.now i know why.i dont wanna get hurt.i dont wanna feel let down and i dont wanna feel out of control of situations.just when i thought everything was going nice and fine something would always come up and hit me straight flat.somehow i knew something like this would happen.despite me giving chances time and time again.maybe playing little miss nice is just never that good.fuck why must such always happen to meee!!

your such a let-down

2007-12-12T23:35:00.000-08:00

the exams are finally over.thank goodness for it.now i finally feel that festive christmas cheer.ooolala.like my friend was asking me a few days ago.when will we finally be sober?that i really do not know.owells exams turned out not too bad.so all i can do now is wait and so hope that i can get my As.last night was awesome.Hooters,Arena,Mos talk about ooolala.and the best free flow of lychee martinis all night.caught up with quite a number of people which was quite good and made a few new ones.though i must say im still pretty slumped that jon,cheryl,suzanne and sean needed to leave early.owells.cell group retreat later ok actually it starts at 1 but im going late.lets just hope that alls fun.crap why am i so not looking forward to tomorrow.why why why.anyway clarke quay with dennis boy this saturday.i bet it'll be fun especially with that dare and trolley throwing shit.ooo and i saw hemal last night (: (: (:

2007-12-08T06:41:00.000-08:00

Customs officers smash major cigarette smuggling syndicate
By Chio Su-Mei, Channel NewsAsia | Posted: 08 December 2007 0329 hrs

SINGAPORE : Singapore Customs officers have smashed a major anti-smuggling operation.

Three Singaporeans and four Chinese nationals have been arrested.

Officers also seized 54,390 packets of cigarettes worth about S$500,000. The duty and GST on the haul was $417,000.

The latest ploy used was concealing contraband cigarettes in the underside of wooden table tops.

Officers staked out at a warehouse in Tuas on Thursday yesterday. They followed a lorry which left the compound to a location near Gul Circle.

There, it was joined by a van. The drivers of the two vehicles then began to transfer boxes from the lorry to the van.

That was when the officers moved in and arrested the drivers.

Meanwhile, another team raided the warehouse and arrested four men who were in the midst of retrieving the cigarettes from the table tops.

Follow-up investigations eventually led to the arrest of another man who is believed to have helped load the boxes into the lorry.

Anyone with information on smuggling activities or evasion of customs duties can contact the Singapore Customs Intelligence Hotline at 1800-233 0000, or email customs_intelligence@customs.gov.sg. - CNA /ls

With stories like these,has anyone ever wondered where do all these contraband cigarettes end up in the end?wouldnt it be super damaging to the environment if they were burnt,killer of all the landfills if they were thrown away?i had always wondered does the Singapore Customs have like this HUGE ASS warehouse which is just stock full with cigarettes?or are they actually smoked away?now that's a food for thought.
damn whoever smoked all those sticks is so going to die soon man.SERIOUSLY

2007-12-06T02:02:00.000-08:00

ive always wondered why do people who i am so not close to always assume that i am in fact close to them.it gets fucking annoying,using my laptop withuot asking,telling me extremely unnecessary stuff,bitching to me about MY friends and taking my things without asking.fuck hello i dont let you do such because FYI there are things inside which i fucking dont want you to see.so please stop all those nonsense like seriously.sometimes i swear i really do just feel like telling them straight in the face to LEAVE ME ALONE.talk about the mother effing man.o and did i ever mention the freeloading of cigarettes part?!yea to me cigs you take one or two occasionally im cool with that but EVERYTIME?!?annoying.if i like you and im cool with you sure take as much as you want but if not please fucking dont try to be so cheap.dirt cheap in fact.fuck ok im just so irritable lately and even though i once swore i wont use such words in my blog ever again but srsly people.ok those certain ones please fucking leave me alone!!!

(this post only directs to a certain handfew so for the rest, sorry you had to read this)

2007-12-04T01:51:00.000-08:00

school's been a complete bitch.i feel exhausted and oblivious to the various things around me.exams starts in two flipping days and the best part is that i have yet to start on anything.what luck can it be that my special occasion speech and my sociology test is on the same day.back to back.tough luck aint it.gosh the count down to the 12th has officially started.after that it'll be parties booze and loads of shalalas.i cant believe it zoukout's this saturday and im not going!boooo.owells at least there are house parties coming up that are going to make up for it.anyway i had the funniest and wierdest chat with khye just not.talk about in your face buttcheeks.now that is what i call HAHAHA funny (:

2007-11-24T07:49:00.000-08:00

sunburnt.shunks
muscle aches.double shunks.
i think my dslr lens is wierd.there's this mark which i just cannot seem to get rid off somehow.ok then again maybe that's cause i just dont quite dare to touch the lens in fear of breaking it.owells i cant believe i did not touch any alcohol this entire week.(pets self on back).it's a miracle.public speaking impromptu speech was a success.i did not stumble as much as i thought i would.tennis this morning was beyond awesome.though i still find it so cute that this guy came up to me this afternoon and was all like "eh i realised you smoke here very often.if i were to give you one free tennis coaching session will you promise me that you'll quit?"adorable.i am in fact trying to cut down somehow.though i dont really think it's working much.this is upsetting.i am highly broke this month.but at least the month's going to end soon.geeesh.i actually cant wait for christmas right now.if only now was last year.where i can actually kick back in london shopping and skiing again.how that would just be bliss wouldnt it ;)

2007-11-21T08:38:00.000-08:00

i think i should start being more realistic in life.stop dreamin jessica.you have to stop.seriously.my past week has been wierd.i think i spend more time thinking and daydreaming about random things that dont even matter.owells.i think i am starting to hallucinate at times now.just like last night it seemed as though suddenly a heap of dark green tree vines just swamped over and wrapped themselves around me.i swear i saw it.but when i turned on the lights there was nothing there.what's wrong with my imagination.i think it is running too wild.enough of that.i somehow am just feeling completely ravenous lately though my life is currently made out of 30% sleep,20% food,10% alcohol,10% smokes and 30% just wasting my life away.i think i really need to wake up like NOW and actually look at things in a more physical manner and snap out of this "reality" which i am currently in.ok i think im in great need for more smokes now.shit.ahhhh why the hell's my body experiencing such degradation.why why WHY?!?

spiderman monopoly was great fun.lets do it again!

2007-11-18T07:59:00.001-08:00

after this past week i have come to realise that everything should indeed be done in moderation.note to self: no more consequetive drinking with smokes.else my throat is going to be ten times worse than what it already is.owells went for a major minor thing last night.efffing good.both bands were good in fact.joanne's husband and the indie kinda guy.yes support local talent.am just so glad that i managed to catch up with a whole bunch of people whom i havent seen in such a long time.bumped into a number whom i so did not wish to see though but owells.lets not spoil my current mood.anyway i just realised that i am starting to get REALLY into indie music.ok i had always been but ive only just realised it.owells pump room and mos last night.finally!havent clubbed in like EONS.though i must say i felt highly awkward as i was just in a polo tee with jeans,super short heels with ZERO makeup on and specs.yes the one word of vainity.im so sick of school and my throat really hurts now.who wanna come with for my chemical romance?!any takers?please (:

2007-11-14T06:53:00.000-08:00

what can i say.i HATE being sick.come every year end during the monsoon period why the hell must i always be down with this stupid cold which never goes away.so much so that panadols are currently my best friends.owells.

am somehow counting down the days to my next school holidays.strangely this school semester seems a little different from the last.peer wise it's kind of better but drama wise it is still there in a more warpped up way can i say?i think i am getting way to paranoid about things lately.i know i often tend to over analyze things before judging them.i mean even my teachers say so but i dont know.i just have this wierd funny feeling that something bad is going to happen if the advise is not taken.i can just feel it deep within me.

2007-11-12T07:35:00.000-08:00

why doctors are so sexily cool
when asked what exactly are hiccups their natural response would be:

it accomapanies diaphragmatic pleurisy, pneumonia, uremia, or alcoholism. Abdominal causes include disorders of the stomach, and esophagus, bowel diseases, pancreatitis, pregnancy, bladder irritation, hepatic metastases, or hepatitis. Thoracic and mediastinal lesions or surgery may be responsible. Posterior fossa tumours or infarcts may stimulate centers in the medulla oblongata.

After hearing that arent hiccups like the coolest thing ever.HAHAHAHA.talk about something REALLY complicated.

2007-11-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

my head is in space.i'm a walking zombie.with an average of 25hours of sleep every week minus the weekends i think i am so going to die soon.seriously.i realised that i really do not have much discipline.it takes so much effort for me to actually get things done nowadays.especially that stupid mm prin subject.i wonder why do i procrastinate that much.some of my friends mentioned that i now tend to over analyze things.they claim it's freaky and that i have changed so much.funny how i had always thought it was not me just them.or is it really me indeed?i cannot get over what happened that night.that night of sheer fun and excitement.so much so that i now question myself.i do not want history to ever repeat itself again.though i never seem to learn from my mistakes.isnt it once bitten twice shy?why doesnt that ever come true when it comes to me?i dont want to be that fool no more.

back to my week.scruffy murphy's on friday with the best friends and chitty chitty bang bang with rina darling on sunday.really awesome show that would not fail to bring out that kid in you.crazy elephant and lunar on tuesday and moliere last night.i guess i am just so grateful for the public holiday today.even though i think i am programmed to wake up even before i get 8 hours of sleep.

2007-10-30T08:41:00.000-07:00

so today during our 1 hour break we decided to go galavanting under the blocks in tampines and we discovered this old man who was uber cool.he sat down there watching us run in the run,take photos of each other throwing things on to the ground and more puff puff puff.after that he took out his sexy samporna and offered us.so cool when most would scold us for being a nuisance.AND AND AND today's the day where i found out that it is the oldies who contribute to litter more than the youths.indeed indeed.school's getting better.though i still have yet to get my groove back.and facebook is preventing me from paying attention during lectures.i think i spend more time on scrabulous than anything else right now.boohoohoo.

i realised that i do not lead an exciting life despite majority of my friends telling me such.do i appear that way somehow?wierd that most would think that i am a social butterfly when in fact i do like spending time on my own dabbling in my own little what nots.sometimes i really wonder what kind of impressions do i leave on people.is it good or bad.do my friends actually know who the real jessica is.or are they just looking at me superficially.funny how i tend to get pretty paranoid about what people think of me.call it insecurity or what not.but owells i dont quite think i am.

2007-10-27T10:20:00.000-07:00

this week was effing fun.first week back to school and am officially taking 6 subjects instead of 5 so i guess that should be pretty interesting.well kinda in a wierd exciting warpped up way.though im still a little apprehensive about my cds classes especially the tutorials as i must say i cant quite click with most of them?well kinda i guess.owells at least my clique in school is still the same and i still love them.heh.though now i am one reservoir buddyless since iman's quitting smoking but damn owells.last night was effing good.private party at barfly talk about awesome what's more the private room we got was a smoking room.thanks val (: (: alright.shit i am so going to be missing (private) though im sure we'll somehow meetup again soon.

damn for once im actually not celebrating halloween.i feel pretty awkward now.booo

2007-10-17T04:16:00.000-07:00

jessica is missing a whole bunch of people and is suffering from some major withdrawal symptoms of not having enough things to do.

As life goes on I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility
I realize everything I do is affecting the people around me
So I want to take this time out and apologize for things I have done
And things that have not occurred yet
And the things they don't want to take responsibility for

I'm sorry for the times that I left you home
I was on the road and you were alone
I'm sorry for the times that I had to go
I'm sorry for the fact that I did not know
That you were sitting home just wishing we
Could go back to when it was just you and me
I'm sorry for the times I would neglect
I'm sorry for the times I disrespect

I'm sorry for the wrong things that I've done
I'm sorry I'm not always there for my son
I'm sorry for the fact that I'm not aware
That you can't sleep at night when I am not there
Because I'm in the streets like everyday
Sorry for the things that I did not say
Like how you are the best thing in my world
And how I'm so proud to call you my girl

I understand that there are some problems
And I am not too blind to know
All the pain you kept inside you
Even though you might not show
If I can apologize for being wrong
Then it's just a shame on me
I'll be the reason for your pain and you can put the blame on me

You can put the blame on me
Said you can put the blame on me
You can put the blame on me

Sorry for the things that he put you through
And all the times you didn't know what to do
Sorry that you had to go and sell those packs
Just trying to stay busy till you heard from Dad
And you would rather be home with all your kids
As one big family with love and bliss
And even though Pops treated us like kings

He got a second wife and you didn't agree
He got up and left you there all alone
I'm sorry that you had to do it on your own
I'm sorry that I went and added to your grief
I'm sorry that your son was once a thief
I'm sorry that I grew up way too fast
I wish I would've listened and not be so bad
I'm sorry your life turned out this way
I'm sorry the FEDS came and took me away

I'm sorry that it took so long to see
They were dead wrong trying to put it on me
I'm sorry that it took so long to speak
But I was on tour with Gwen Stefani
I'm sorry for the hand that she was dealt
For the embarrassment that she felt
Just a little young girl trying to have fun
Her daddy should never let her out that young
I'm sorry for Club Zen getting shut down
I hope they manage better next time around
How was I to know she was underage
Enter 21 you know the club they say
Why doesn't anybody wanna take blame
For rising back out disgracing my name
I'm just a singer trying to entertain
Because I love my fans I'll take that blame
Even though the blame's on you
I'll take that blame from you

living in a world of illusions and technicoloured dreams

2007-10-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

yet another person died from bird flu recently and this time it just had to hit a 12 year old boy.i find it wierd on how some countries just sit back and watch and not actually get on into the act and do something.it gets quite sad to see people turn to their wits end and just succumb to fate.whatever it may be.it's just like that of the myanmar situation.on how those people there who are actually suffering are all those innocent lives who get affected for no apparent reason.the picture of the small boy with the cut across my stomach really tugged on my heartstrings.why isnt anyone doing anything and are these people just going to live in such a situation for the next few weeks,months and even years.i was talking to my friend about that situation recently and from the looks of it.it seemingly seems that such might just end up like that case of the tiananmen square incident.now that i clearly would not be surprised judging from the progression that has been made.now i just hope that gambari can actually help and do something useful that can cause a stir in the people.a good one at least.i have come to realise on how i have been so disconnected and unaware of the people and the different kinds of situation that is going in singapore.a recent trip to an old folks home made me think twice about the aged in singapore.most there in fact just seemed to be waiting for their deathbed.they do not talk to each other.there was no interaction whatsoever and everyone just looked really sad.i just wonder am i going to end up such one day?and could such actually be stopped in time?it's kinda ironic on how singaporeans react to different cases in singapore.the case of the man crushed by the builiding.everyone was more just interested about the drama and stuff going on.but ever thought what the family must be feeling?and could such actually be prevented by not putting so much weight on the 17th floor?i am certain there's so much more to the case.not forgetting that of the china women's tia na case(ok i cant remember the name).why do singaporeans actually bother to help a china national when there are so many singaporeans right here in front of their very eyes who are desperately calling out for help?are we that blind to overlook those people who actually NEED the money rather than blowing it all on that woman who ended up living the life due to "compassionate donations".dont you just find such ironic?i guess everyone can actually grab a hold of their lifes and somehow alter fate a little.to me i just think everything just takes a little small step.and who knows things might actually change for the better.

2007-10-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

my life thus far - crazy,fun,out of control yet of total satisfactory.

last friday was a blast.i would so do anything to relive that night.dinner with the girlfriends first followed by a night of champagne,dance,snapshots and more friends.love love.

they are my baby girls (:

2007-09-24T10:34:00.000-07:00

i realised that my world is seriously falling apart.i have no social life and i hardly ever have time for myself.my supposed "me" time no longer comprise of just sitting down there staring at puddles on the streets but just the occasional smoke breaks.what's wrong?just what exactly's wrong.i have always been trying to attain that perfect balance in my life but to no avail.yet i always try to convince myself that my life is perfect.talk about living in denial.looking back i noticed that i have done loads of shameless stupid things that i just totally despise myself thinking of it.what could have possibly went wrong and what was i thinking then.was i actually in the right frame of mind?am i actually in the right frame of mine right now?lately i just seem to be really not in touch with the world.in fact i think im drifting away from it day by day.funny how i used to think that my friends have changed.could it all along just have been me and not them.i really wonder now.im starting to get really paranoid about the things around me.the rumours the gossips and all.funny how just a simple slip can rule out to such events.sigh.talk about the things which can possibly happen when your drunk.owells so long that i know that they are so not true.or so i really hope.sometimes i really feel like just throwing in the towel and to just break now and cry.everything is crumbling,the walls are closing in.sometimes i just want to cry out loud for help but nothing comes out.but no i am strong and no one is ever going to see me in such a state.not now.not ever.hopefully.i know i can sustain.geesh.i really think ineed to strive to attain that perfect balance.if that can actually happen.maybe with such i can actually be happier.i can actually walk around with a genuine smile and not one that is plastered on my face.yes i know.how superficial i am indeed.perfect.there's no such thing as perfect.if there's no such thing why actually create that unattainable word.funny how easy one can say it though its so hard to reach.dont you just think the world is just simply so ironic.indeed indeed.

where o where has my life gone to?

2007-09-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

The perfect words never crossed my mind,
Cuz there was nothin' in there but you.
I felt every ounce of me screaming out,
But the sound was trapped deep in me.
All I wanted just sped right past me,
While I was rooted fast to the earth,
I could be stuck here for a thousand years,
Without your arms to drag me out.

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this fear falls away to leave me naked,
Hold me close, cuz I need you to guide me to safety.

No, I don't want to wait forever

In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire.
The only resolution and the only joy,
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes.

No, I don't want to wait forever

2007-09-15T03:01:00.000-07:00

this week was fun.yes i totally think this week was fun.finally something productive.chalet on monday was not too bad.though it was more like one big happy smoke machine.heh.met up with alot of people which was good.not to mention wild oats last night.damn i love that place already.ok though i admit that i still have this vendetta against this certain woman.owells.blogging is tired to yesterday in pictures.though i look drunk in practically EVERY single one.

wild oats fun.

2007-09-07T09:13:00.000-07:00

booo one thing about holidays which makes me get really pissy is that i just usually get really bored when i have nothing to do.like right now my life is made up of being online for abour 10hours every single day.talk about not having much of a life.owells.shit im boring.geeez at least thankfully all will change next week.or so i hope.monday council chalet.boy i so hope that will be fun.well such will only be fun is everyone get omfhell high and drunk.HAHAHA.owells.i am suddenly completely hooked onto monopoly.hell i so wonder why.come to think of it this is just highly abnormal.owells.had our first council meeting on monday.jessica is in programmes with mel,suzanne and cheryl.talk about love.crap i think i am officially hooked onto facebook as of today.who wants to play monopoly with me?!yay (:

bridge + shisha = happy (:

2007-09-02T09:37:00.000-07:00

woohoo caught burn the floor: floorplay today.talk about awesome.yeapp the show has somehow inspired me to learn dancing.i would if i do not have my two left feet.HAHAHA.owells yes i would recommend everyone to watch it but unfortunately the last day is in fact today.owells.last night's house pool party was fun.i cant believe they knew it was my birthday.must be jac.HAHAHA.right?heh.anyway vann's back in singapore.jessica is a happy person.drama exam in 2days time.i am starting to freak out now.gosh PLEASE so let me do well miss pear.damn i so do not like the examiner's name.heh

i love my bitches

2007-09-01T00:40:00.000-07:00

yay.finally my birthday talk about happiness.alright talk about parties galore after the exams and yes i really do deserve them.heh.thurday was sean's party.vodka madness.everyone was high.yes check out jon and you'll get the picture.o and cheryl so could not walk in a straight line even though she insisted that she could.HAHA.i swear i so love dhini's drinking game.now that was fun fun fun.ok i cant quite recall what really happened except that jon got kicked in the balls and we were in the room having 5-somes on 2single beds.and seriously we were just asleep.kinda.honest.yesterday was a night out with my lovely ladies.talk about AWESOME babyy.havent seen them in like AGES.holland then off to forbidden city.yet another day of great food,alcohol and plenty of cam-whoring.i like.as for today.oosh with my parents later then it's off for a pool party at caldecott close.woohoo.theme- great singapore's dessert.i so do not know what to wear owells.golf was fun just now.except for the fact that ive plenty of blisters now.tomorrow's FLOORPLAY.yay and monday's drinking with my classmates.damn i so love life after exams.heh

thanks sweeties (:

2007-08-30T00:51:00.000-07:00

antonio puerta
a natural left-footer
an amazing midfielder
the hand of sevillas
one that will definitely be remember

1984-2007

2more days to jessica's birthday (:

2007-08-29T01:33:00.000-07:00

media and society.i so hope i can get at least a b or something.note is "so hope".somehow i felt that the paper was rather difficult.everyone was going about on how they would expect to do a supp paper in sept.owells just fingers crossed that i will be able to do well.i somehow feel pressured indeed.strange as i dont know why too.geeez.anyway at least my last paper is tomorrow.so that's something to shout about.though technically i am kinda like on vacation now.considering that the 2hardest subjects are over.as for essential graphics.damn i really hope ill do well even though i have not a clue on what to expect and to study.boy i so cant wait for tomorrow.school's out and it's sean's party.HAHAHA.shit everyone is going to get wasted.talk about fun fun fun.yay (: 3 more days to jessica's birthday!

excite me babyy

2007-08-28T13:45:00.000-07:00

golf.my new favourite sport.though tennis still reigns as number one but yea you get the picture.now i just question myself why havent i found this sport earlier.funny how i used to think that golf was an "old people" sport when i was much younger.but instead it is one that works out both your mind and your body.not to mention the fact that there is hardly ever any wind so basically your in like a so called "sauna" owells.i am looking for a nice place to have dinner at.but dammit i just cant seem to find any.blast.i need suggestions.anyway marketing went pretty fly today.though i think i lost 9marks altogether.on the hindsight that is not too bad right.9 marks out of 100?ok i am just trying to console myself.damn media and society tomorrow.talk about the subject of overkill.i feel doomed shit.4 more days to jessica's birthday (:
shoot me then turn me over and shoot me again

2007-08-27T12:56:00.000-07:00

the thought of exams kicking in is just starting to make me all stressed yet highly depressed at the same time.somehow just the thought and the sight of my lecture notes and my textbooks now just make me bored.really.i think in order to make school more bearable for most of us exams should just simply be scrapped and we are just graded on coursework instead.besides not like we will ever need to able much theory based work once we step into the industry later.owells this clearly shows people how warped up society is basically.somehow i find it really ironic that singaporeans are really happy about the new policies implemented.ok if you know me i am sure you know why i think such.it is rather funny if you come to think about it in fact.however,kudos to the government on having such perfect timing for the speech though.without it being on that date i so wonder if our stock market would have taken a dip instead of that spectacular rise.owells.the wonders of having things nicely timed.how they can either save or jeopardize a situation.

cant wait for thursday somehow.it is going to be the last that we are going to be stepping into school this semester.it is going to be our last paper and lastly it is going to be the first day of our much deserved school holidays.talk about a whole lot of parties.in fact i somehow cant even remember when did i last have a good night out where everyone just got amazingly high and stuff.early this month i think?damn that was such a long time ago.i miss my girlfriends.havent seen them in ages but the plus point-dinner and a wild night out with them this friday to celebrate my birthday.talk about love.what the hell would i do without them.though it is a pity that vann's in malaysia that day.owells.5more days to my birthday (:

right here waiting for the exams to be over and the parties to start

2007-08-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

this week has been a rubbish week which has been made up of nothing apart frm lecture notes,textbooks and the laptop.yes the top three things that dominates my life as of now.apart from the simpsons with jac on tuesday i feel like i am just going to die due to brain information overload.i swear exams are the killer man.owells on the hindsight good thing though that school exams are kind of taking my mind off that of my drama exams which i am so not prepared for.anyway.i know i can do well in it somehow.craving desperately to play bridge with my good old classmates again.damn i miss them somehow.tim's gone.how sad no more bitching for sometime i guess.england lost.boooo ):

i wish life was like a story book, where i could one day write my life away

2007-08-19T07:58:00.000-07:00

alright my week compressed.it was stressful yet awesome.marketing presentation went well in fact.i think we did a much better job for marketing as compared to med soc and ironically we're not even graded for marketing.owells.i just hope that with that it will just help boost our team's marks to that of an a.anyway went for the bourne ultimatum.yes that is just what i would call a total kickass show.definite worth of a 5star rating.o o and i had a great offer too.heh.anyway yes jac i still feel bad about friday.caught the fireworks last night.at clarke quay.HAHAHA.isnt it just so awesome that you can catch the fireworks while your having your drinks and stuff?owells.went for mojitos night with my dad.its been awhile since i actually had a "laid back" kinda conversation with him.trust me it was good (:

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had its say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the darkI 'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
& all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have

& all I know is
You got to give me everything
& nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

I give you everything that I am
I'm handin' in everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
& I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

(Give you everything)
(Give you all of me) one for every screwed emotion

2007-08-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

how the hell can i be so damn bloody stupid.why am i that blind to the various things around me.i just end up hurting myself time and time again.always trusting the wrong people hoping to find that happiness but always getting thrashed in the end.funny how i never ever learn from my mistakes.i wish i can just erase my past and start life anew everytime something crappy happens.it is just humiating when i come to think of it.ok i am sure there are so many other better things in life out there for me.with my loved ones and friends.who needs those people anyway.they can crash and burn for all i care.so much for me helping you when you were in need.what a sad ass liar.you should be ashamed of yourself.

CONGRATES PEARL (: (: (:

2007-08-13T07:37:00.000-07:00

lost in that crazy state of euphoria.grinning from ear to ear.one call made that whole difference which finally changed my day from that of an average one to that of a totally bitching one.alright im just really happy that my wish came true and because of that i will meet many people whom i love really soon.met up with xijie again after what seemed to be a really long time then went on to study with mel which was productive for like 30mins?HAHAHAH.ok that just sounds so gay right now.

in that spur of a moment when your mind and body is conflicting with each other.telling you totally opposite things to do.what would you do?i wished i had the power to overcome such but sometimes i think i am just to weak to do or oppose anything.wouldnt it be so much nicer if the perfect state of life was pre-planned nicely for you.where shit does not happen and when you know that no life changing decisions are required.wouldnt it be nice if you knew what crap comes about next so you can be sure that you can alter and change your fate why before it actually happens.i know i wish for such.do you feel the same way too?

how far is heaven?

2007-08-11T08:58:00.000-07:00

this week was omfghellfun.ok krunk was good.we got high.met up with a whole bunch of people whom i have not seen for ages.finally danced with aster.lovely.went running into the guys toilet to pee til a drunk guy came in.went street asking for ciggs,dance dance and a whole lot more.one word-fun.sorry this is a delayed entry.

why do i feel so forced whenever i am around you.please tell me that you actually care and that this is all just but a lie.

2007-08-10T08:39:00.000-07:00

questions start flowing through her mind as she wonders if this is for real.as she stares deep into his eyes she asks herself "is this a dream".had she finally found someone who would be willing to love her for who she is or to just treat her as a item.something which is just for show.he leans over the table and places his hand over hers,then whispering softly in her ear he said "trust me,im serious this time."she asks herself if she could be second time lucky.she had been hurt before in the past and now she just wants to be sure.she wants to be more than just the girl.she wants to actually feel the love.someone to hold her tight and not let her go.someone to catch her when she falls.he plants a kiss on her left cheek and slowly brushes her arm as he tries to reassure her yet again.but the thought of the things he did in the past just makes her doubt herself further.as she tries to put the things behind her.but memories start creeping in.she just wished that the good times would just take a stand still while the bad moments just slowly delete itself.staring into his eyes again.she took a long deep sigh.that familiar doe eyed sparkle and that boyish smile.she slowly decides to accept what she was in for yet with some fear in her heart.

looking o so spiffy (:

2007-08-08T02:48:00.000-07:00

alright mel is modeling tonight.how nice.though as much as i would love to go.i somehow have this sunken feeling for laziness within me.dammit why must sentosa be so dam bloody far.ok to go or not to go that is the question.though yes i have gotten the tickets already.alright the only reason on why im even going is because mel is modeling.finally got my pictures for my poster today.thanks to the help of the wonderful aaron.HAHAHA.owells trust me the pictures spells hilarious and i was actually quite scared that i'll end up chopping someone up by mistake or something.whatever forget that.im just happy that i am finally making some progression.slowly but surely.advertorial done,journalism down.poster and newsletter to go.dammit rina why arent you going tonight.your making me feel lazy now.anyway presentation went blah yesterday.i cant believe i actually stammered.name e one time in which i stammer?like hardly ever should i say it so dammit you could just picture my reaction though everyone said it went pretty alright i still think that it was definitely now my best performance.talk about what a let down.anyway happy body building xijie.gosh i so wonder how buff can you possibly ever go?speaking of which tomorrow is going to be such a long long long day considering that im going to be home late tonight.damn suddenly i wish i bought tickets for singfest.dammit.ok i feel bitchy today.betty saw me today.she ignored me.she did not say hi.she answered me monosyllabic and i did not do anything to her.dammit why the heck is she behaving such.movie this fri with jac.talk about EXCITING.woohoooo.

& so i found pictures from the past cell outing (: (: (:

2007-08-05T09:45:00.000-07:00

thanks jac for the pictures.yeapp the bomb diggidy babyy.woohoo! (: (: & pictures speak a thousand words

lovelove

2007-08-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

what word can i describe my yesterday?simply AWESOME.what in the world can possibly be better than alcohol + good music(baybeats (: (:)+ AWESOME company + ciggs + shisha.met up with jac yesterday.finally our much awaited harry's date.thanks for the lovely presents darling!i absolutely LOVE them.thank yooou!send me the pictures girl!and yes sorry i was late.heh.finally went for my first ever baybeats gig and i must say that that band king kong jane was really neat.the singer has a sexy ass voice.omg and i saw eunice ho!talk about AGES since i last saw her.owells off to aliwal street after that for shisha.AND i bumped into eng eng.talk about pleasant surprise.shisha was the bomb.this new joint is like super CHILL.though it was a pity that the roof was crowded hence we cant head up there.but still.i cant believe that mel and i ended up getting ciggs in the end even though we were shishaing but owells.it was fun though i ended up highly stoned.moving on to today.madame butterfly baby.talk about not being there for ages.ok the last time was about four months ago?right ok.my parents think i eat too much but still.somehow i feel that my drama teachers are so going to make great parents considering the things which they always tell me.heh.tennis this morning was the bomb earlier.it was laughter and more laughter.though i think my backhand was screwing up on me.owells.four projects due this coming week and i have yet to start on any of them.yes please tell me how screwed i am.jessica you so have to stop procrastinating!

shisha happy (:

2007-08-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

i swear my friend is starting to irritate me.stop asking me when as i can never give you a definite answer as yet.i think barbie dolls are the sex.but i need to buy one to massacre her for this thing which i am doing.anyone knows where to buy cheap barbie dolls?anyway people think im starting to become hostile to certain people.WRONG.im so not.today was a great day of bridge,lights and bitching.im sure hip hop will eventually know.but still.i still find it amusing on how some people want to look like they are all that and come and boast to me about people i know.juvenile.friday is going to be a fun day.or so i hope and my bitch's birthday is next week.talk about fun.not to mention krunk where we are just going to get omyfrigginggawdhell high.ok moving along.people tell me that temasek is a good poly.but why do i somehow not see that beauty in it?i think im getting complaisent.that's bad.

to see the world in a grain of sand

2007-07-30T14:24:00.000-07:00

omg it's joe seng xijie!!! HAHAHA

2007-07-30T02:01:00.000-07:00

one telephone call,a snowball of messages,a river flow of emotions.i am really confused now.strange i dont know why.a great mix of feelings of regret,love,joy and hate.funny to bring up the past which i thought i had finally let go.but i seemingly did not.funny as why not just when i thought i had found someone who would not play be out.i wish i can get answers.i wish there will be a sign.owells maybe it's just best for me to just sit back and be a cynic about the rest of my life.

could it be?

2007-07-29T00:20:00.000-07:00

like a flower quickly fading,she withers.watching the world crumble as time seemingly stands still.there is nothing she can do.she is helpless.what can someone so small,so insignificant do to make a difference?would such even matter?she tries to scream.but there is no sound.she tries to move about so someone would notice her.but to no avail.how can one possibly appear so big physically but deep inside she is so small.she hopes someone would listen.she hopes someone would actually care.a simple how are you would do.even though time is short and there was not much time to spare.she tries to be different.she tries to be the same.but no matter what she did.people will bitch about it yet again.would that day actually come where all is fine and well.where we could finially find euphoria,where there will be no more days of hell.she wonders aloud to herself.is it just her or is it them.she searches around for answers.but sometimes silence is only what she gets.if she has not changed much.then it's just the people around her.why is she so affected.why does she feel the hurt.she tries hard to be nice.not the same old person she used to be.but the actions and words she gets in return.is not what she had expected it to be.should she go back to her old ways.leading that seemingly bitchy immature life.or should she finally grow up and learn to take things in stride?

sometimes life can seemingly be so hard and so pathetic.

life: precious and fragile - (needs special handling)

2007-07-28T07:36:00.000-07:00

my my yesterday was omfgoodnesshell fun.ok despite the fact that i was late for school and was possibly marked absent.but yea aside from that.yesterday's dinner was really awesome.sirlion steak spells love not to mention sirlion with bacon and tiger prawns.crap i can almost taste it already.owells. anyway finally got the chance to head down to check out tim's new crib yesterday.must say i love his new place.its super chill and has this nice cosy atmosphere.talk about sweet.saw jason after so long.he looks really different with his new cut.owells spent the night just chilling and bitching about various people.lovely damn that's just something which i havent got about doing for a really long time.anyway

Drug syndicate smashed following high-speed chase, 7 traffickers arrestedBy Gamar Abdul Aziz, Channel NewsAsia Posted: 28 July 2007 2232 hrs

SINGAPORE: The Central Narcotics Bureau has smashed a drug syndicate in a major operation, arresting seven traffickers and two other offenders. Two of the arrested tried to escape in a white lorry, leading to a high-speed chase on Friday night. Despite the officers’ repeated attempts to signal the lorry driver to stop, the vehicle made a sharp illegal U-turn at Tampines Expressway, and went against the traffic. Traffic police used blinkers and sirens to warn drivers on the road during the chase. The white Mitsubishi Canter lorry was eventually stopped after crashing into a patrol car and mounting the kerb at Rivervale Drive in Sengkang. The driver and the front passenger then jumped out of the lorry suddenly and ran in different directions but were eventually arrested. The chase was part of a seven-hour operation in which S$71,000 worth of drugs - such as heroin, ecstasy, Erimin-5 and Subutex - were found. Some S$16,000 in cash, a Honda Civic and the lorry were also seized. - CNA/ac

how cool.this happened on the PIE at about 2.10 this morning and i was in the cab behind it."high-speed chase" not really.the truck was like travelling at 50km/hr.HAHA.talk about slow owells.my cab fare amounted to $20 because of its driving pace.blast.talk about from bukit timah to home.anyway it is said that "blinkers and sirens" were used but seriously blinkers were used but no sirens.suddenly im getting sick and tired of playing lady macbeth.owells

meet my baby (:

2007-07-25T07:44:00.000-07:00

marketing group project is finally over.thank god!its getting kinda disappointing as i just realised that i am starting to eat so much more than usual.bad.i need to lose weight not to mention i ate a shitload of fruits today.3 apples,1 mandarin,1 kiwi,some mango and a whole bunch of grapes.do fruits make you fat?owells saw a whole bunch of people "swimming" in the fountain pond thingy in school.talk about how retarded.any idea how dirty that water much be?!?HAHAHAH.owells.i noticed that i am starting to become really cynical about things.i always look upon something good as something which could have a hidden meaning.even though most of the times it does not have any.how strange.suddenly i wish that i am not that in touch with the world.that i can actually have my own space and quiet moments.i cant stand people who are possessive and are just so full of themselves.dammit please leave me alone.lately many people have been loading me with their problems too.i really wonder why.i dont like it when people tell me their sorrows and they try rub their sadness off me.what a turn off.ok but this only happens to those who do this to me ever so often.to my friends you know that i'll always be there for you.

staring out into the night, trying to hide the pain

2007-07-23T06:51:00.000-07:00

how awesome!!thank you jac for the lovely donuts which flew over 11000km for me.yay!thanks girl!finally a load of my shoulders.no more media and society group projects to do next up marketing group and journalism individual.i think communications and media management is some kinda crazy ass course with the mother of all projects.owells i just cant wait for everything to be over now and that i can finally have my long much awaited one and a half months holiday.now that would just simply be utter bliss.saw dennis after so long today.what a pleasant surprise i must say.been having severe muscle aches lately.i really wonder why.owells.i noticed that everyone's getting pretty short fused lately.i guess its just simply due to the intense weight and stress which we've all been experiencing lately.i feel that sometimes i do get somewhat delusional.though yes i know it is bad.to all those out there who i might have offended in someway or another recently.i sincerely apologise.i wonder why am i so pms-y lately.i somehow feel that my friendships with same or starting to fade away slowly.it gets pretty upsetting when you come to think of it.tried salvaging it but to no avail.it gets sad.owells.anyway congrats melanie!!

building sandcastles in the sky

2007-07-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

how hypocritical can one get?how unfuckably true.this is a time when i so wish that i never got to know you and never ever got associated with you.fancy you to actually try to use me to so call "get connected" it is so pathetic now come to think of it.i cant believe i fell for that.you left me all numb and feeling stupid.so yes are you happy now that you have finally achieved your goal?that you could actually snoop down to such a level to actually make me pity you.since when did i ever become that gullible.at least like jac said "that that does not kill you only makes you stronger" from now on i shall just learn to steer clear of such people.to hell with you.seriously

2007-07-15T08:13:00.000-07:00

i somehow feel kind of guilty about the way i act and behave in the past.ok maybe i still do now but not as much as before.funny how i am always so quick to judge people.honestly i feel a little bad about it right now.it is wierd as i would always come up with a whole bunch of excuses so i would not need to be seen with them or near them.it was only recently when i just realised that hey some people who look the most distraught of them all can in fact be one of the nicest people whom you can ever meet.i dont know.i guess this is just something which i really need to change in.come to think of it.it really sounds pretty bad.owells.church was the bomb diggidy today.the leaders treated us lunch.damn how often do we actually get such actually but yea.talk about sweet?they call us the light of the world.the ambassadors of speedlight.but honestly i really dont think i am fit to be one somehow.i see so many flaws in myself that i dont think i can really be that much of a role model.i often wonder to myself.why am i always seemingly the black sheep whenever it comes to church?i seriously try my best to be toned down and not to anger others.honest

serenity

2007-07-12T07:43:00.000-07:00

today was omfghellafun.we bought half a watermelon,stole a bunch of forks,smoked at non-smoking areas (we fulfiled our dream),camwhored like the mother,bitched,played bridge,camwhored again,scaled walls and headed back to class as if nothing had happened.talk about the total fun shit.i just realised the world is so small today when i actually bumped into her.talk about shocked.i think aaron's current sem subject is hilarious.owells anyway the results of camwhoring.yay

what an eventful day.HAHAHAHA

2007-07-10T10:38:00.001-07:00

found this off mel's blog about yesterday's maketing talk frigging HILARIOUS yet o so true.HAHAHA.

"The most interesting thing that happened today was in Marketing tutorial. We had to create a television commercial and we decided to do tampons. The best part? We had to draw it out. HAH! Fucking hilarious, I swear.Slimpons - so slim, it could fit in your nose. For a free trial to soak your worries away please call -insert number-. Omgwtfhahaha. :D Should've seen our drawings. We even drew blood on it, and we made a mistake of drawing blood dripping, so we had to blanco it out. Exactly, wtf?!"

anyway finally finished up my individual assignments.talk about a load off your shoulders.i somehow feel somewhat "free-er"if there's even such a word.next up groups projects.someone please remind me that it is in two weeks time?!i swear my group yeapp we are indeed a procrastinating bunch.then again what's new right.HAHAHAHA.the forum today went pretty well.got to know new stuffs in my course.talk about the mother of all stress today.rushing to churn out a brochure within three hours.yes that's the kind of pressure we people face these days.and then they said poly life was so much easier than that of jcs.now trust me that is utter bull.anyways pictures from school.yay

they make school fun

2007-07-09T09:45:00.000-07:00

the weekend was awesome.what can i say.i met my leading ladies.it was just awfully sad that thrishna was in Bali during that time.owells at least there's always oosh coming up soon so i suppose that will eventually make up for that.what is happening to my friend.i find it awfully uncomfortable when people start becoming all emo in front of me especially.alright some i can take but if it's too extreme then im sorry i cant.alright i guess i just dont quite like the feeling when someone's sadness is rubbing off me.it just seemingly makes me feel down too?alright just a food for thought.speaking for food.friday's dinner was good.right aaron.all the way down in siberia.(inside joke).anyway i am starting to like school more.everyone seems impressed that i am low profile this year.told you guys i was shy.o did i mention we did an advertisement on tampons today.HAHAHA.it was frigging hilarious.alright more drinking sessions soon darlings!pictures depicting my saturday.alright im just way too lazy to upload those from school as yet.heh.human nature!HAHAHA

my love, my life, my hoes (:

2007-07-05T06:16:00.001-07:00

im starting to love my clique more and more.from those drinking sessions to overhead smoking to shisha to bitching sessions.i am so thankful that i have finally managed to find such wonderful people in my course.i noticed that some people are just simple so childish.so much so that i think it is kind of retarded in fact.why try to be all that when you just arent and no sweetie popularity is never the whole point of anything.such is just simply called immature behavior.enough said.meeting aaron darling tomorrow.though it is pretty irritating that that guy does not want to tell me anything about transformers.owells.bring on the wine.more wine please.yay (:

the one thing that makes me happy

2007-07-04T04:47:00.000-07:00

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?
Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

somewhere over the rainbow

2007-07-03T02:19:00.000-07:00

how do you spell fun?school was fun.i realised that it is pretty bad to jack people in front of many.alright but it is pretty interesting i must say.the stupid security guard confiscated my deck of cards.can someone tell me what's wrong with bridge please?like hello.poster deadline-this friday.how screwed.suddenly everything just seems to be flashing before my eyes.it's pretty scary come to think of it.owells it'll pass i guess.doesnt it every time?

some pics of yesterday (:

2007-07-02T08:49:00.000-07:00

met up with jac today.i miss that babe.she'll be leaving for us tomorrow.have fun babe (: cant believe that i ate that much just now.i finished the entired slab of ribs.tomorrow is aljunied photo taking day with the group.how dope.i am starting to dread graphics designing.being swamped by deadlines again.i guess sooner or later youll just see me waving that white flag yet again begging time to stand still so i can just finally take that well deserved break.gosh my friend is being damn mean now but owells i swear i just simply love bitching with him.jac darling send me the pics babe (:

lost in translation

2007-07-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

i met my bestfriend today.happiness.we walked a million miles.come to think of it that is indeed amazing.owells happy 10th anniversary hong kong on thy china handover.alright im lazy to type.the day in pictures.HOLLANDDDDD yay.

i love my bitch

2007-06-29T19:28:00.000-07:00

i have no clue what is going on with me.i seemingly just somehow feel that everything and everyone is just against me.something is just not right.i am not myself.i have just been feeling really blue lately these past few days.and the fact that certain people are irritating the hell out of me is really not helping.funny how many people cannot tell my emotions as i would usually just keep that straight face and keep everything bottled up inside.snapping only at my breaking point at whoever is irritating me at that spur of that moment.though i apologize to whoever i did such to.maybe i just need more rest nowadays.i need something more substantial to live my life upon rather than that same old three things which everyone claims are terribly bad.i am sorry but i just cannot help it.i wish that there will no longer be anymore blockages in life.sometimes i feel that once ive hit one it is just so hard for me to bounce back from it.then again.that's life.right?

it's never that easy

2007-06-24T04:49:00.000-07:00

aaron is nice.he went to johor and came back with a box of twenty donuts for you.how sweet.thank you boy.i couldnt resist eating them straight away.heh.i'm starting to feel like im the black sheep of the cell group.somehow or rather.i guess the cell members are just so bloody protected that they dont know quite a number of things that it seems almost taboo to mention such stuff in front of them.such can in fact result in many seemingly awkward moments which are at sometimes just really uncomfortable in the end.anyway finally met up with yunxuan yesterday and boy was it helluva fun.though that girl made me wait for so long.but owells.what can possibly be better than a night out bitching and having dinner with my old tennis doubles partner.i love you girl.meeting my bestfriend this friday.happiness.anyway school starts tomorrow.i miss the people but i dont quite miss the lecturers and the ambience.shunks.

i love this girl

2007-06-20T02:09:00.000-07:00

i just found this in my comp.alright all my classmates would say im slow but yea.i just realised that it is pretty funny indeed.and the history of school repeats itself again on monday.bugger.i miss you jac darling.meet up soon (:

all the wrong things which we learn in school

2007-06-19T10:54:00.000-07:00

i really learnt that it is really important for one to appreciate the people around them especially those loved ones and friends.they are the ones who would lift you up when you are down,to carry you through your problems,to be there for you or just to simply make you smile or laugh.just reached home not too long ago.had a lovely time shishaing with my classmates.it was a great way for us to bond.not to mention indochine after that was effing good.though i still have to admit that i so suck at drinking beer as it just makes me feel overtly bloated.i noticed that i always get this same old nostalgic feeling everytime i hear a live band perform.it never fails to make me think back and suddenly start to embrace the good times which i had with my friends.maybe that's why i dig live bands so much.this holidays have been pretty good so far.managed to catch up with many people.though i still have yet to meet up with my girlfriends like after God knows how many months.gosh it is only when you are no longer with the ones you cherish most that's when you just embrace every moment spent with them.anyways mel darling send me the pics girl.hopefully my plan to head down to little india will fall through soon.right aaron?HAHA.

my new found secret to clearing my mind

2007-06-18T00:51:00.001-07:00

i want to learn diving,i want to learn diving,i really want to learn diving.my new resolution for myself.start swimming at least three to four times a week.i have to get better by october.note the word is i HAVE to get better by october.ok or maybe by february next year.crap i cant believe that i had wanted to get my cert since late last year but the same old usual procrastination kicked in.damn i wish i can for once just stop fulfil one of my i have to learn this list.crap.if only i could

to be able to see such face to face.i bet the feeling must be surreal

2007-06-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

my friend's adorable.he's the first person i know who wrote a press release for his house.LOVE your house boy! (:

2007-06-13T00:39:00.000-07:00

i know that i may sound so slow but after watching farenheit 9/11 i must say that my attitude and the way i see george bush now is completely different.i find it awfully sad to see innocent children suffering for no reason.it's a pity that most do not know about their human rights.i hope someone out there would help them and teach them the things that they do not know.

Dear Mr. President
Come take a walk with me
Let's pretend we're just two people and
You're not better than me
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly

What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street
Who do you pray for at night before you go to sleep
What do you feel when you look in the mirror
Are you proud

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye
And tell me why

Dear Mr. President
Were you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
Are you a lonely boy
How can you say
No child is left behind
We're not dumb and we're not blind
They're all sitting in your cells
While you pay the road to hell

What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away
And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay
I can only imagine what the first lady has to say
You've come a long way from whiskey and cocaine

How do you sleep while the rest of us cry
How do you dream when a mother has no chance to say goodbye
How do you walk with your head held high
Can you even look me in the eye

Let me tell you bout hard work
Minimum wage with a baby on the way
Let me tell you bout hard work
Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away
Let me tell you bout hard work
Building a bed out of a cardboard box
Let me tell you bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
You don't know nothing bout hard work
Hard work
Hard work
Oh

How do you sleep at night
How do you walk with your head held high
Dear Mr. President
You'd never take a walk with me
Would you

where is the love?

2007-06-09T09:22:00.000-07:00

looking back i noticed that in life pride has always gotten the better of me.i know i could have mended many friendships and relationships but it was just cause of my damn pride that ruined everything.i swear looking back i am kinda just filled with regret.i realised my life could have been so much better.i would not need to fret about that many things,get paranoid over events and actually be happier.a close friend of mine also pointed this exact same negative trait about me.i dont know i am really trying to change this.for me somehow just to say the two words "im sorry" takes a great deal of strength and courage to say it.it was actually also because of this pride of mine in which i have somehow lost a really dear friend of mine.i feel stupid now in fact.why cant i ever admit that im wrong.is it really that hard?

sorry seems to be the hardest word

there's so many questions i want to know.but there seems to be no answer

2007-06-07T01:40:00.000-07:00

ive not stepped out of my house since tuesday.aaron thinks i have no life.right.i need to stop procastinating.i have been wanting to start studying for journalism since 2:45pm but guess what it's almost five right now.alright this is getting way bad.owells.i kinda feel a huge surge or satisafaction within me.having been smoke free for a week.i must say that the illness came in blessing in disguise.funny how things can be aye.it's been four days since dad has been gone.i cant wait for monday now.lets hope he bought me something.crap i am starting to sound like a five year old who's dad has gone away and all she can think of is what new present will i have.well i guess this shows that i am still a child at heart.heh.counting down to the days till my holidays start.one more day.but it's only for a measly two weeks.i am starting to envy jac's lovely holiday now.my bestfriends and i are seemingly starting to drift apart.this is bad.i must make it a point for us to meet up really soon.i noticed that once you lose something you would try by all means to make up for that missing patch.like how now i am turning to all sorts of wierd things ever since ive ceased cigarettes.snacking,drinks,cards.shit this is so bad when i reflect on it.i am starting to feel bad nowadays when people go "hey jessica" on msn and i ask who they are.i think i am suffering from selective retention.

ignorance is bliss

2007-06-05T03:36:00.000-07:00

i realised that happiness comes with achievement.or so that was how i felt today when it dawned upon me that hey i knew how to do the media and society exam.yes you have no idea.all i need now is some kinda fabulous results which hopefully i will somehow or rather get.after more than five days and i needed to take my dengue test again.i am looking like some kinda druggie now with all those holes in my arms and hands.what's more is that due to the holes my arms and hands have becomed pretty bruised indeed.now you can imagine the kind of response which i would get say if i walk into a club which is having a raid right about now.yes off to the jail cell i go.well at least it's good to know that my marks on myself is somehow or rather producing some kind of effect.in a pretty warped up way.i am starting to take pleasure in poker cards.such simplicity yet such great fun.the manipulation of cards in your hands can somehow make time pass by in a flash.the fabulous work of art in your hand.i must say whoever invented this did a great job.it is classic.a great time killer.a great waste of my time indirectly.now i know why gambling is addictive.as come one even just to roughly fiddle with them in your hands.the fun just wont stop coming.i sound like im having some kind of card fetish.wth.but owells.i have finally decided to take everyday as it comes.next up friday's journalism exam.how screwed can i possibly get.

the art of card manipulation

2007-06-04T23:36:00.000-07:00

it's been almost a week.yet i am still sick.blast.exams starts tomorrow.i know nuts about the subject.someone please tell me how screwed i am.people tell me that i should calm down and not give myself that much stress.am i really?i swear my subjects are overwhelming.i dont quite get everything.though i am TRYING desperately to understand.will we actually use such theories and all in the future.i highly doubt so.i am seeking nirvana now.though i highly doubt ill find it.i need something that will truly make me happy.unlike these few days where i just feel so down.urgghhh the horror.my lecture notes has just somehow disappeared how wth.do objects really have legs and are able to walk?!my friends tell me that i am dellusional.shit i think it is really true.

if only you knew

2007-06-03T01:38:00.001-07:00

rubik cubes are pieces of crap dont buy them as youll end up killing yourself with them like me.trust me.im going utterly mad with mine already

I think I could like you
I already do
Feelings can grow but
They can go away too
You're takin my hand
Lookin into my eyes
Don't be in a rush to
Get me tonight

Feel somethin happenin
Could this be a spark?
To satisfy me baby
Gotta satisfy my heart

Do you know how to touch a girl?
If you want me so much
First I have to know
Are you thoughtful and kind?
Do you care what's on my mind?
Or am I just for show?
You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl

Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?
Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?

I think I could like you
But I keep holding back
Cause I can't seem to tell
If you're fiction or fact
Show me you can laugh
Show me you can cry
Show me who you really are
Deep down inside

Do you feel somethin happenin?
Could this be for real?
I don't know right now but tonight we'll reveal

Bring me some flowers
Conversation for hours
To see if we really connect
And baby if we do
Ooh I'll be givin all my love to you
Ohh

You'll go far in this world
If you know how to touch a girl

Why don't we hit restart and pause it at our favourite part. We'll skip the goodbyes

2007-06-02T22:01:00.000-07:00

blood test and i got jabbed on the top of my hand instead of my arm thanks to the fact that the nurse could not find my vein.yes tell me how what the hell it is please.getting highly irritated as my skin card has not arrived yet

doing it the cliche macbook way (:

2007-06-01T03:00:00.000-07:00

i feel like i am dying seriously.with a temperature of 39.7 please shoot me right now.why must i always be the unlucky jinxed one who always falls sick before the exam.worst still is that i may be having dengue.talk about a triple blow.i want to do well for my exams.but low and behold i am fading in and out of consiousness even as i type this post.i am sorry jac and all for not being able to make it tonight.i hope you understand.i hate doing last minute cancellations.i am sorry.everything seems to bleak right now.yet all i want to know is why?

trapped within my utmost fears and my darkest desires

2007-05-31T10:12:00.000-07:00

i often go back to check my mail in vain.hoping that i will receive something new.isnt it strange on how i can feel so disconnected from the world yet still be so absorbed in it at the same time?procrastination starts kicking in yet again.as i lag way behind.i need a new motivation in my life.but no one and nothing seems to be able to fill that place.are my expectations that high.i wonder would anyone ever be willing to be my punching bag.the one who absorbs all my nonsense in my times of need?i always tell myself that i need to let my emotions out every once in a while.but i dont know how.there seems to be this unbreakable lock within that seems to be bottling up everything inside.

my paper heart of broken dreams ♥

2007-05-30T03:10:00.000-07:00

finally a day of freedom tomorrow.lovely.what a great day to just soak up the sun and run under the clouds as if there's no one watching.as the bonds between our friendship starts to strengthen and grow.hopefully we will be able to keep it the same way and never let it die or fade away.to my girlfriends: i love you guys.why must our timetables clash all the time.everytime i walk into starbucks i get that old school nostalgia feeling of the good old days we used to have there.let us revive those days all over again.i need to stop procrasinating.everything is starting to pile up and it is starting to engulf me.better to get it over and done with.why do i need to keep repeating stuffs to myself.my brain cells are dying slowly as i am losing my ability to retain memory for longer periods of time.what is going on.felt like an absolute retard today as i went to school only to find out that out marketing lecture is cancelled.dont you just hate it when you are always almost one of the last few to know.why are people always this selfish when it comes to information.there comes a time when you just cant take it anymore and you just wish that you can for once wipe these people of the face of earth.owells wishes never come true anyway.aint it a pity.

down the boulevard of broken dreams

2007-05-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

black guck is spewing out of my mouth.i feel sick.no i am sick.my body is weak.my muscles are sore.it is making me feel as though i have somehow been enclosed in an area which is preventing me to move.which is restricting me from living the life i please.i feel myself fading as life is slowly being sucked out of me bit by bit as my stomach rejects every single food that i put into my mouth.my head hurts.my stomach's churning and i feel the same usual nausea feeling start to envelop me all over again.talk about bad poisoning.i feel horrible now.i wish there was such a thing as superman.where he would one day come to my rescue and breathe a whole lease of life upon me.how silly.i wish i could hopefully snap back into reality and notice the cruelty around me.i am deluded by the fact that the world around me is peaceful.(on the surface).ya a happy life.a happy happy life.as if.i wish i can see beyond the outermost facade of the people and things surrounding me.it is bad to be delusional.

thank you pearl (:

notice how my life has lately been so dependent on drugs.it's pathetic

2007-05-28T03:45:00.000-07:00

the days when you just feel way too lethargic to do anything.where all you want to do is to just stay at home and stare into space.to sit by the playground and just chain smoke the whole day long.it's what i would call temporial bliss.the self professed breaks that i take in other to snap back to reality is starting to come to no avail.i am starting to think that there is more than what meets to eye when it comes to my happiness.which is slowly fading away.i want to be taken seriously.it's funny on how people only sees the outmost appearance of me and constantly thinks that there is nothing in this world that affects me.but seriously.your shallow if you think such.severe paranoia has taken over me.i am starting to think that i am slowly becoming a failure in life.i want that perfect gpa.i want to do well.i am trying to be positive.i will not fail.but somehow all this stress has just consumed me so much so that i am scared.why.i realise that i contradict myself.i dont want to.i wish things in my life was not that complicated.i feel that i am losing my friends.my close friends especially.why are we drifting apart.i will never jlit you guys or forsake you guys.please dont do such to me.your friendship is something that means more than anything ive ever had.i love you guys loads.will we ever find that perfect day to meet up soon.rather than just sprout empty promises everytime.

that temporial high when nicotine hits your head

2007-05-27T01:07:00.000-07:00

it's funny on how superficial things are starting to appear to me.how someone can cheer and joke with you and yet still come around from behind to bitch about you and stab you in the back.the world is filled with cowards.people just run and hide everytime.it's just pathetic when you come to think of it.isnt it just ironic on how they try to appear to be someone when they are nothing but cowards instead.why not just stand up to your fears.the world is not getting any smaller.you cannot hide forever.i wonder why many get this constant illusion that they will always get what they want.notice their faces when you reject them whenever they come up to you for something.is it just me or is the world getting more spoilt.have they forgotten how cruel the world is.i figured there's no point in playing little miss nice anymore as you will never get your due returned.well that's just how it is isnt it.what goes around never comes back around.it's just like throwing a boomarang into a slab of clay.the clay will just consume your boomarang and you will never get the same return.people today are getting more and more desperate.why is it such that they are turning to wierder means to enhance their social lifestyle.is this a sign that people are unfriendly in nature.that we have to turn to unconventional manmade means to know more friends.or is going for such just a backup to make you feel better.to make you feel that you have someone to talk to.like i said people are superficial beings.they cannot be trusted.

i refuse to maintain this cold war with you.why cant we be mature and settle it the way grown ups do

2007-05-26T23:58:00.000-07:00

my heart crumbles as i watch my beacon of light fall.all hope seems lost and i find myself getting darker and darker each day.suddenly life does not seem so bright.i need my light back in my life.i need that cheer.people say that that they see it less in me now.that i am turning into this darker person who seems less cheery and less sociable.i must say that i have been trying.as stress builds up people turn into creatures whom they themselves dont even know.the monsters within that just shut themselves out from the world and once in a while it just fills themselves up with sadness that you just want to break down and cry.come to think of it.aint it a pity.if only happiness was not only just a word that we can touch in a book but an emotion that we can actually feel,express and exude.with such i suppose many in the world would turn for the better.i often ask myself.why create such a word,an expression when it just seems but such an unreachable goal.it would just fill everyone with regret and many would just end up questioning themselves about their past,present and future.i think humans are pitiful creatures who have to suffer and dwindle in self pity,in self-denial when notice that almost all the the other animals in the world are seemingly just enjoying life and taking each day as it comes.yet all we ever do is to worry.aint life like that just very unfair?i cant believe that ive come to a point where at times i even envy the carefree nature and life of animals.what's happening to me.

you promised me heaven,but alas you sent down rain

2007-05-25T02:20:00.000-07:00

the world is dark.everybody's changing.why do people put on such a facade in front of other just to make them look good.to try to look popular.in the first place why do people even want to be popular.i find it stupid knowing how most of my friends are have now changed so much.is it even necessary.it's funny on how those who used to be so called more known in school have actually toned down alot while those used to be nobodies are just simply trying way too hard.note how i avoid using the word popular as i dont believe that there's actually such a thing in real life.i wish people could just be more real to each other.i wish people actually cared and this i mean like genuinely care about others.i really cant stand the mentality of many now.i just realised that this is so not like the past.this dog eat dog world is worst than ive ever imagined.i just cant stand how everyone is seemingly starting to be so fake.i am starting to appreciate glenda's words and advice to me about life and stuff even more.they have really prepared me for the various things to come.i guess sometimes i just have to take things by stride.not everything can be perfect.people change but they come and go.it is only then that i know who are my true friends and who i can just put behind me and carry on with my life.no point dreading on the past when there is always a brighter future ahead.such people are just simply not worth my time.though i somehow wish somehow or rather things would eventually turn for the better.sweetie there's no point being all fake in front of me.trust me,i can tell.

only heaven knowns what's lying down this winding road

2007-05-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

today was a productive day.handed up my logo design and i am pretty proud of it.which is good.everybody clap for me now.yay.alrighty now all i have to do is just pray and hope that i got an A for my work and effort.hopefully.photoshop today.talk about making yourself BEAUTIFUL.note the word beautiful is in capitals as i must say that that photo which my tutor edited for jon was in fact really good.now our incentive to do well in essential graphics.if we get an A we will get five photos of our choice edited nicely by him.hoorah.i want to look beautiful too.photoshop is cool.i made this woman turn from possible a b cup to that bigger than a g.yes they turned out that big.tomorrow's the musical thingy with aaron.boogie wonderland.i so hope it'll be fun.well the name sounds nice.note to self you must dress in a smart casual attire.which makes me wonder.what the heck am i to wear now.aaron's going to be wearing a shirt,tie,pants and vest.damn how am i to match up with that?jeans blazer perhaps?owels we shall see.two hours of journalism news writing before it's off to home tomorrow.i seriously think they should change it to some other day so we can have fridays off.wouldnt that be sweet.i hope my story proposal got through otherwise i am so completely screwed.yes and i mean screwed.i am so getting really paranoid about the subject.people tell me that they think i suffer from a severe bout of paranoia.i highly disagree with them.note they are lying.i need to do well.i need to do well.i need to do well.had a good chat with the my clique of girls today.it was a much needed chat which proved to be really good.i am so starting to love them even more.shisha hopefully this saturday.yes i know we so should be studying instead.thankfully we are only tested on two subjects this term.journalism news writing and media and society.i think i am dead already.crap i better stop now.as knowing how literally paranoid i can get about the slightest things.i can go on forever.

living a life full of paper-made dreams

2007-05-23T07:32:00.000-07:00

how tiring.just came back from esplanade.had some world forum thing on just now.thank you for accepting my marketing journals just now miss tan.thank goodness i did not have to rush back to reprint them yet again just because of the stupid font.otherwise it would have been a total waste of time.am supposed to go for this musical thing this friday with aaron.i hope it'll be fun.boogie wonderland.sounds retrolly interesting.seven hours of art drawings yet again tomorrow.i can feel myself dying now.i think by the time my entire graphics class is done almost the entire class would so go blind.i am starting to love mac notebooks loads.they have to be one of the bestest things ever.widgets are so the love.crap i sound like some wannabe ah lian now.owells.yay next week would be fun i suppose.no more like my coming friday to tuesday is going to be really fun.that reminds me i need to get a notebook sleeve.damn i still cannot believe that i spent $14+ worth on cab fare today.i really got to learn how to start saving money before i go broke.jin's birthday is on this weekend.i wonder what should we do for him.

2007-05-22T03:33:00.001-07:00

i am happy.i have finally finished doing all my projects.ok at least those that were due this week.my media and society proposal,the logo design and my marketing journals.talk about sheer happiness.now that's one load off my mind which is in other words good.next up is my individual journalism assignment.everyone is telling me that i suffer from severe paranoia.owells.i guess as today i actually went around the photo printing shop asking complete strangers if my design looked screwed and was the error like shouting at you.ok talk about warped but sorry that kind of happens pretty often.see this is what happens when you simply get way too stressed out.my modem is still screwed on me.how fustrating.next week - james chen last tutorial with us.i think he's not say that bad somehow.yes.completely humiliated myself during marketing tutorial today as i was asked to present when in fact i did not prepare anything at all.now that's pretty bad.in a sense.i cant believe exams is coming soon and we have not like even started studying.lets just pray really hard that i'll do well somehow.tomorrow is the cnn recording thingy.i actually feel kinda previledged to actually be chosen to go for the event.everybody say yay for me.HAHAHA.come on jac i know you want to.heh.we MUST meet up soon sweetie.yay (:

you have no idea how much i miss you guys (:

2007-05-20T02:32:00.000-07:00

my home modem is down.wth.somebody just kill me.now you know why ive been out of action for like a million days.thanks to one smart ass person who accidentely changed the password the whole comp's dead now.fyi that person is me.wth now you know why i want to kill myself.at my dad's office now.supposed to do my research.did it but guess what he's still not back to pick me up yet.damn how retarded and the only other living person here is my dog owells.i hate the fact that i cannot access internet.ahhh the horror.why why why.o my dad said that that picture of the london eye which i took is gorgeous.everyone say yay.life sharing in cell today.gave a politically correct answer.hah.how typical but yea.school again tomorrow with a briefing on our cdses.i swear this is so making me very kiasu now.ahhh bad.i miss those people.i wish i can somehow meet up with them real soon.to vann,rina and thrishna dearest dinner together during our holidays aye?this week is project due week.the horror and i have not really finished everything yet.i need to be more freaked out about my school week.aye i suppose school just has not really sunken in for me yet.harry's anyone?jessica you have to start worrying more about your school work.seriously.to cordy: have fun in europe darling.to mommy dearest: happy happy birthday.i love you (:

imagine life with two me.notice how fun it would be

2007-05-15T03:01:00.000-07:00

today's such a good day to sleep in but no we just have to have school today.boo hoo.happy birthday 22nd jac babyy!i miss you girl.got totally freaked out today when jin showed me his project due date calendar.you have no idea.next week is doomsday man.owells.im still killing myself with proposals.crap talk about seriously having no life.i need to go drinking.the last time i drank was on like friday.this is bad.(see proof that i have no life).anyway i finally got my macbook today.talk about hurrah!though technically i kinda have this feeling that i so will not be able to get used to a mac's interface having been a hardcore windows user for so long.owells ill get used to it.i know i will.though yes i still so completely want a vaio.shit be contented jessica.i have seven bloody blisters on my leg.everyone wonders how the hell do i somehow manage to walk.i just got a reminder from both cordy and chinglu that i am doing life sharing on sunday.ahhh the shitamama how what the hell man.i feel like im such a let down.on how im just kind of giving up on my tennis as a cca.i would love to join but to me personally school work is just much more important as so many people are watching me.i feel so obliged to do well.no wrong i need to do well and it'll look good to them when i do well.crap think positive thoughts.cordy will be gone this sunday.happy europing babe.which reminds me i need to come up with a list of fantastic shopping places to go to in london.i so miss that place.god sibs!love.three more days till the weekends.i so cannot wait.which reminds me damn ive got project meeting this coming saturday.

talk about sheer beauty

2007-05-13T06:38:00.000-07:00

going completely crazy with yo mama jokes.
they never fail to make me laugh (:

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

2007-05-13T03:10:00.000-07:00

and school repeats itself tomorrow.how blah.seriously.blogger just deleted my post.how irritating can it get.to hell with it.it's funny on the things which people tell me just to make me like school more.jessica be nice,dont be mean,dont be bitchy,be cheerful SMILE.yes im trying sweetie and your words are currently etched deeply in my mind.my course manager is on the front page of today's life.talk about scarily cool.im going back to old school.or so many people says about me.wooden pencils,metal pencil box and a bag of crayons.kid.that reminds me i need to buy a new box of crayons soon.dont you just love crayons.they make you feel young.with crayons you can colour the whole world red.it'll seem as though we're living in a colouring book.isnt that nice.we get to choose our own colours.whatever we want to be.what shade we want to be.now if only we were living in a colouring book.im scared about journalism.i know i should not be.but i am scared.very in fact.shit my articulation is screwing up on me today.dammit.im to do life sharing next week.ahhh why me.i lead a boring beyond boring life so someone please tell me what in the world can i say about myself.the horror.ryan is conviced that he tastes delicious,he's nice and that he is so NOT ego.how rubbish.he's living in self denial.im nicer.heh.im sorry jacqueline i think im starting to irritate you big time.happy mother's day all you mummys out there.my mom seriously needs a new phone.her phone died and is under repair.how rubbish.she disappeared and i almost lost her yesterday.i know i am a good and responsible daughter.sweet (: shit i think im falling sick soon.i got bored in church today.they said it was very obvious.tell them that they were lying please.

colour me happy

2007-05-11T00:40:00.000-07:00

two hours of school.but it seemed so long.busted.needed to change topic on what to write for journalism.how what the hell.i hope i can write what i hope to write for news.though selvan does not seem too happy on the topic that i chose to write on.dammit that's just disappointing.am supposed to be out with rina now.but that girl's school ends late today.the bad part of being in a poly as everyone's time table is just so damn different.im starting to like my clique in class alot.they are wonderfully nice people.shit i sound so dope yet again.the weekend's here.how wonderful.drinking again.i hope.so xijie when are we meeting up man?!everyone thinks im going to die young.owells what the hell.i just realised that i am so not in touch with the various entertainment things that go on around me.i noticed that i do not watch much tv and i havent been to the movies since february.i hardly even know who sang that song that is playing on the radio.dammit why am i acting as though i am not seventeen.i pity the pigs around the world right now.especially with that new blue ear virus.it's so sad to see so many innocent adorable pigs die.and for what.for no apparant reason.especially after seeing that clip of that poor piglet which could not walk properly due to that disease.how pitiful.tony blair is going to step down soon.i think it is a good thing.he has had too much say during the past 10years out of which not all are good.darn just realised that means lesser baby pork ribs for me.owells.lamborghini has a new gallardo.it's gorgeous and it S$918,000.damn.

2007-05-10T06:14:00.000-07:00

thursday = arty farty day.it's called a day woth of seven hours of drawings be it in the physical or in the digital world.trust me it's getting more fun somehow.ooo maybe i wont fail my graphic designing subjects after all.sweet.mother's day this sunday.thank god i bought her something already.a pink cup.aint that nice.alright who the heck buys their mom a cup anyway.owells.it's thoughts that counts anyway.happiness i will be getting my imac book this coming monday.it's black though and it's 120GB.everybody say yay for me.alright jessica is a happy kid yet again.found my camera in the end yesterday.it was in my dad's golf bag.talk about what the hell.that reminds me i want to learn golf.seriously.too much work's been piling up thus did not go for tennis training yet again.talk about busted.think im going to get hell from my tennis team and coach soon.or maybe time is just really not of the essence.somebody please tell me what to do please.only two hours of school tomorrow.it is going to be a good day.i can sense it already.so rina am i still meeting you girl?i drew buttercup today.am fully satisfied with my sexah drawing.yes i am a virgin computer drawer.so be impressed or so act as if you are.